Shade of Gray

In the upper echelons
of my soul
I know I must figure out
the balance
Between in and lack
of control

I don't need the answers
When I don't pose the question
I don't need the pressure
When I'm not doing the pressing

Why think in terms of
Black and White
When we're a perfect shade of gray
Why think in terms of
Wrong and Right
When I only asked you to stay

I'm already a winner
If nothing goes farther
I'm already ahead
If this is to falter

Between the Silence

Always willing to impart knowledge
Subtle hints of bigger warnings
Never the last to tell me what's missing
Always the first to remind me I'm able

Between the lines
I write my intentions clearly
Between my pages
Leave solutions to pacify

For all the things you observe in me
The most cherished go unspoken
For all the things I search for in you
None of them go without apprehension

Between the sheets
A litany of failures remind
Between your stars
Promises of future appeasement

The exits have always been clearly marked
Accommodating the weak of heart
I'm not ready to leave this solitude
Chances are it will break me apart

Between the silence
Voices speak the loudest
Between our hearts
Truths really do set us free

Queen of Hearts

I feel like I am imposing
You have this way of jumping up
To save the day so quickly
Always on top of comforting
The hoarse heart beating

I feel like I am balking
Overly scrutinized but under punished
Fine details linger in the wings
Waiting for their showcase
Vicious tug on gentle heartstrings

I feel like I am transposing
Placing myself in places not needed
Traipsing between all for one
And none for you and me
Swaying, sweet pounding heart

I feel like I am fumbling
Secret ballot casting out the heat
Emptiness is more filling then the full
Thrust upon the pedestal by the weak
Vagabond heart ticking

I feel like I am posing
Beautiful bones beneath harsh daylight
Perfectly prim on the outside
Fighting turmoil on the inside
Hidden hearts stop beating
Battered by the day that innocence died

The Best Answer

You sat me down, stern look in hand
Asked me all the tough questions
“Where do you see yourself in five years?
Well little girl? How about in ten?”

The funniest part of it being your lack of
Knowledge about the impending situation
If you knew me at all you would know
I constantly am thinking about this

But giving a straight answer
Being decidedly out of fashion
I avoided the question
Instead put on a coy smile

“Where do you see me in five minutes?”
I retorted, staring adoringly in you eyes
Something changed in your eyes then
A trigger was pulled, a shot gone off

So much easier to avoid than give in
Abating intensity that seriousness brings
No need to think about the future
Live in the here and now

You come back was amazing
Award winning at best
Silence is the best answer
When it comes right down to it

Marking Every Page

We are like the stars, dear
They are so far away
They seem to be touching

The really distance is never seen
It is only felt when you are among them

We are like the ocean, lovely
Big and imponderable
Starkly blue

So vast you cannot hope to swim it all
Deeper than you can fathom

We are like the clouds, honey
Floating above it all
Strictly departed from it

Above the rest, able to look at it from afar
The great escape marks every page

We are like the mountains, sweetheart
Tall and brooding
Brilliantly recluse

It's possible to claim, never truly conquer
Timelessly stoic and never amiss

We are like the wildflowers, dearest
Scattered but beautiful
Aimless but on target

Never possible to tame the true colors
Where they chose to take root is left unto them

Pure Daylight

I cannot help but wonder about
Your intentions on those wine colored nights
I cannot help but fret about
Your avoidance of me in pure daylight

Our twisted games of cat and mouse
Your ruthless ways of helping me out
Our chanced midnight reverence
Your prejudice toward fulfilling promises

For all that you gave, all you intended
I'll never forget your torrid eyes
For all that you wanted, all that you took
I'll never forgive your benevolent mouth

If I could stay here safely, you must know
I would stay here forever and a day
If I could say this gently, you must know
I would whisper it to you while you slept

I have to break out of this cycle we are in
It's truth to say you're just a phase
I have to move on to a better place
It's truth to say we are not cut out for this

To me, you will be more than I'd care to confide
To you, I will be less than you'd like to say
To me, you will be a tragically beautiful memory
To you, I will be a chance trick of the sunlight

My Lips Insinuate

I'm being trite when I say
I'm emotional unavailable
I'm making light when I say
I'm truthful all the time

I'm a thousand things at once
When I tell you I'm accepting
I'm nothing all at one time
When I'm saying your beyond

I'm tense and overwrought when I say
Maybe next time is it
I'm light and carefree when I tell you
What your gentle beauty does to me

There is so much underneath
All that my lips insinuate
There is so much underlying
All that my mouth conveys

You're filling in those spaces
You're beginning to comprehend
What I say means one thing
What I intend you must understand

While this thrills me beyond comprehension
It unnerves me above all else
Where can I hide if not behind discourse?
How will I lie in wait if not behind rapport?

Its never easy when the web you're
Spinning suddenly loses its thrill
My verbal cocoon of safety is shattered
My utterances no longer comfort me

Time Stops for No One

It's a quarter till enlightenment
Summer has passed its prime
Leaves are slowly changing color
Promising the return of stolen time

It's twenty after eternity
Autumn grinds into the pavement
Frost take hold of the ground
Gray skies speak of arraignment

It's half past entrenchment
Winter is coming to a close
Rapturous hues assemble again
Blooming into friends and foes

It's five till exuberance
Spring is disappearing quickly
Hot sticky nights replace it
Relief only happens briefly

It's fifteen till entitlement
Hope is slipping by chance
Honest illusions bend and fold
You're living just by happenstance

It's ten after entanglement
Time has hardly passed
Ten thousand reasons to go
No more energy to grasp

It's ten till engagement
Let the Historians figure it out
They can sift through your life
Tell you what it was really about

Try

Our relationship is always hot and cold
Never a somber in between
You're always shining through
Or getting lost in the crowd
I know you know what I mean

I think I know what's not working here
You're to selfish to let anyone love you
You're to spineless to let anyone in
The funny part is I thought we were the same
The funny thing is I thought we connected

And now we are just running in circles
We are chasing ourselves like never before
Out of breath with nothing to show
You were out of line, I was out of patience
All we've got now is a botched experiment

Once we were both in it for the better
Now we are just in it to survive
How exactly would a divorce go between us?
Is it even possible by this date and time?
Neither of us are getting out alive

But then there are those moments
Those few seconds of bliss
It makes even the most hardened cry
That is when you realize why you're still here
Now I remember why we still try

Droplet of Time

Your palms are turned upward
Cupping slivers of my troubled sea
Your heart is open
Holding pieces of what I ought to be
All you ask of me is a smile
You could ask for everything

In my tiny hands
I hold your ruins turned mountains
In my battered heart
I grasp your falsities turned truths
All I ask of you is everything you give
I could never ask for more

Keep what you have of me safely, please
The next time I fall to pieces I will need it
I plan to begin in the middle next time
Right after all that is heated

Thank you for giving me a little to hold
A few spare parts you had lying about
I know you do not really need to give them
Unlike I who must give some to all

And in this glistening moment
This droplet of time
Let's not think of what it could have been
Let's think of all it has become
This gilded rose with hidden thorns
A tightrope walker with open arms

Keep

Let's keep my darkness in the attic
Keep my distance in the corners
Let's keep up this silence
Keep these battlements between us

My ship is sinking, capsizing in you
You're pulling me under
I could never breath the same
You could never be the same

Let's keep up this dangerous game
Keep up this intriguing gamble
Let's keep my disobedience under the table
Keep my carelessness for special occasions

You've got me right where you want me
Or so it would seem
What you've failed to realize is that
I placed myself here and lied, waiting

Let's keep my discontent in the bathtub
Keep my dried tears in a jar
Let's keep striving to succeed
Keep pretending its possible

Our entanglement keeps getting messier
Trapping us both in its heavy bind
I never planned on staying
But now you can not leave

Let's keep our eyes wide shut
Keep the tables turned
Let's keep my distaste on the bookcase
Keep my cynicism with the china

Everything is so misconstrued
Nothing to be taken at face value
At least of one thing I am certain
I should have figured it out long before

Beginning

I am beginning to rearrange
Pick up the pieces and place them
The puzzle is not looking the same
I thought I knew what
I was trying to create

I am beginning to wonder
Is it all the same
Playing Russian roulette
And always dodging the bullets
Always pushing my luck

I am beginning to challenge
All that I was before
All that started on that dusty floor
How do I overcome it
How to push on through

I am beginning to realize
My life is just a show
Everyone preforms their roles
I am just making by
Trying to saving face

I am beginning to transform
For better or worse
I am not the same
I am on the edge
Of grace or destruction
It's much to early to tell

Came to Me

An angel came to me,
dark and terrible,
blood red wings,
a loaded smile.

A devil came to me,
sweet and loving,
pale perfect eyes,
a chivalrous grin.

He came to me,
reeling and praying,
murder in his smile,
admiration in his stare.

She came to me,
frightened and loathing,
eyes turned skyward,
hands in her hair.

You came to me,
desperate and knowing,
blood on your hands,
love in your heart.

I came to you,
wounded but breathing,
eternity on my lips,
only fate from the start.